I looked out of the window down onto the people out side in the sleet and snow. After I got dressed I went down to the Palace Music Theatre. Even though it was the bleakest of winters in ages I still kept a smile on my face, and I walked with a radiant joy and a childish innocence that would betray me in the end. Gerald took me to some houses, in a rather upstate area, out side of town. The whole place was a bit posh for me. He said that the tenements were owned by a friend of his who had gone to Canada for six months, on a business venture. The whole thing sounded a bit shady. I wasn’t sure if I should trust Gerald but the places were a lot better than my own accommodation.
He gave me the keys to one of the flats and he also gave me twenty pounds to get me started. He left and I didn’t see him for a week. When he returned he started to come on to me. I told me that he had never seen a girl a lovely as me. He told me that he wanted to be with me forever. I told he the same thing, I loved also, since that night he rescued me from the clutches of Joe Meggarty. I became his mistress. Every other night he would come to Morgan Terrace, number 41. Every night we saw each other we would go out drinking and when we came back and make sweet love on the bed. We carried this on for a few months.
When the time came Gerald and I decided to leave each other, it was a clean break up. Gerald gave me fifty pounds to soften the blow of being left on the streets. Gerald was in the past. He didn’t care about me all he wanted was sexual pleasure from me. I returned to my place of fancy, the Palace Music Theatre. This was the night I meet Eric, he never told me his last name, perhaps he was scared, or he didn’t want any emotional attachments with me. Setting eyes on Eric was my first real regret of my life. My vulnerable state and his drunkenness led to sexual encounters and secret meetings. After many of these secret meetings I became shamefully pregnant.
Although Eric was the father of my child, his naive behavior is inappropriate for my baby. He would offer me stolen money to maintain my daily life but I couldn’t accept it. Our love was a major sham and was only existent because of our common fear of not dying alone. He was a kind-hearted gentleman; he needed to understand that there are aspects of life more essential and more special than drinking.
Being pregnant and desperate led me to seek help from the local charity organization which instantly abandoned my case. Mrs. Birling, a proud and harsh woman and wife to the evil Mr. Birling who fired me from my first real job, simply misunderstood my situation and dismissed it, as well as disgracing me. An arrogant and social superior woman she was, continuously blaming the father of the child. Eventually, I was alone, anxious and desperate. Loneliness and unhappiness are major areas of my life.
Each consecutive misery caused me to feel more pain and grater financial hardship. I was living a forlorn live, needing an execution. My child cannot face such a malicious and cruel world as of the likes that I have experienced. I think I have out stayed my welcome in this heartless humanity and it is time to leave everything behind. In each situation I was innocent and was made a victim of lack of moral feelings each person acquired.
I hope after I have left this awful universe, the wall between social classes will crumble, as well as moralistic values being taught to each and every person. I hope each person involved in my pain can realize and learn from the suffering I went through. I cannot express hatred towards them, as I do not despise any of them. From my experiences and actions, I hope you do not condemn me but take time to understand the life I went through, just to live a ‘normal’ existence. But now, my time has reached the end but serious values should be learnt in order to survive in this bizarre and wicked world.